Luke Combs’ Career Has Stalled Out

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Timing is everything. As history has taught us, it’s never a good idea to release weather-themed songs in the dead of hurricane season.

Thanks to Hurricane Harvey, Luke Combs’ first number 1, “Hurricane”, has not only been dropped from every radio station’s playlist, but it’s actually been losing the record label money. Sales have gone from 1000+ a week to -2000! Meaning consumers have actually been returning the single which has been forcing retailers to give refunds.

His latest single, “When It Rains It Pours” has yielded similar results making Luke one of the biggest busts in music history.

This article is 100% satire.

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Did the Lions Have a Choice?

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No, they did not. If they didn’t pay Staff-infection, what are the options? They could franchise him, but that would really only save them 600k next season. Then what? Jake Rudock is under contract until 2019. Is he the answer? He did perform well against New England’s 16th string. Or we could sign the Taliban’s 2nd in command, Colin Kaepernick. I bet he’ll still be available. Or how about Brett Favre? Think he remembers his own name, let alone how to play football?

Stafford’s record against teams with winning records sucks. But did he single-handedly lose those games? A few, yes, I’m sure. With the exception of the 2014 season, Detroit’s defense and running game have been abysmal since 2009. Those are the elements that complete a team, and make them truly competitive.

Stafford is the highest paid player in NFL history. For now. That will change soon enough. It’s called inflation. As the cap rises, so will salaries.

For the 2017 season Stafford will make just $2 million more than Derek Carr. Carr has played in just 1 playoff game (he lost, by the way). Meanwhile, Andrew Luck, Carson Palmer, Drew Brees, Joe Flacco, Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson, Ben Roethlisberger…and yes, the GOAT, Tom Brady all make less than Carr. And they’ve all won playoff games. The point is, if you’re a solid QB, you’re gonna get paid. Stafford’s extension not only opens up cap space thanks to the signing bonus, but it also frees up the franchise tag for Ziggy Ansah.

While we’re on the subject, let’s revisit an old clip of Jason Aldean talking about the Lions drafting Staff-infection.

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An Idiot’s Guide to CMA Voting

Industry players were inboxed today with round 2 ballots for the 2017 CMA Awards. I thought country music’s identity crisis was behind us, but by the looks of today’s ballot I believe we’re even more confused. In case you missed my quick recap on Facebook or maybe we’re not friends…here.

The CMA says you should vote for those who you feel made the biggest impact on country music over the past 12 months. To some industry people that means casting votes for their personal favorites.

“Oh I love that Luke Bryan! Especially when he does that little ass shakin’ thing! YUM!”

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For some it means voting for whomever puckered up and kissed their big ole fat ass. Ass kissing could range from things like letting this individual hangout in their special “VIP Radio Room” prior to a show, or maybe leaving them a personalized voicemail thanking them for adding their song. I know a lot of programmers that eat that shit up. They LOVE it when artists make them feel special.

gurm

Should winners of these prestigious awards really be determined this way? Fuck no. I’m not saying all 7,500+ members are douchey radio gurms. But every vote counts, right?

Let’s get back to this year’s funky ballot. Jason Isbell. Heard of him? Maybe–maybe not. Country purists love him. He makes great music. Sonically, it’s got that twang that country used to have back in the day. He writes his own stuff, and man he’s a great storyteller. His name appeared on the 2nd round ballot for album of the year. I know some of you just popped a huge musical boner. I get it. But should he really be winning CMA Awards? Probably not. His impact on the format hasn’t been great enough. His most recent album has sold just over 80,000 copies. Yes, that’s more than a few mainstream country acts. But consider those whom he has outsold to be struggling. Jason’s current tour is selling out a few shows here and there. But considering the capacity of the venues he’s playing that seems less than impressive. We’re talking 2460, 2600, 4300, & 1200 seat venues. I don’t need to show you numbers for Aldean, Chesney, FGL, or Church…do I?

Jason has won Americana awards, and it’s because that’s where he belongs. In Americana. His style of music is accepted and (more importantly) respected in that genre. Besides, if he won would he even show?

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